Category Archives: Real Life

Never rub another man’s rhubarb!

Top 10 Life Tips!

So I have been working quietly on putting together a TOP 10 list of helpful life hints. Some of these are stuff around the house, others are for your body, and others are for the Zombie Apocalypse time. You know, stuff you should know just in case the shit goes down and you’re flying solo.

goatswood

1. Baby Wipes. I know we all know about these… but have you ever thought of using them for your ADULT butt? Honestly, this isn’t something people like to talk about – but baby wipes really are much more tender on the ol’ bottom. Try it, and you’ll never go back to just toilet paper.

2. Yogurt. Recently, I had the flu of all flu’s. I was literally sitting on the toilet and vomiting into a bucket at the same time. It was fucking horrifying. My naturapathic doctor told me that when things settle down, to eat some yogurt. You see, your system gets FLUSHED of all the good bacteria in it during the illness. Eating the yogurt helps bring back some of those helpful bacteria and regulate your body again.

3. Smelly Kitchen Sink. I’ve seen chicks put lemon down their sinks to try and mask the smells coming from their kitchen sinks. The easiest way to kill that funky smell – BLEACH. Pour 1/2 cup of bleach down the sink and smells go bye-bye.

4. Hard Water Stains. Ever buy those brain cell killers bathroom tub cleaners? They are filled with all sorts of crazy chemicals that who knows what it would do to your skin if you ever touched them. Why not just try rubbing alcohol? Alcohol is an astringent and the hard water stains will just disappear. Plus the smell is much more manageable.

5. Full Body Aches After a Long Day. I’ve just started a career in the field of nursing, so I understand full body aches after a long day. The point where you are so tired, you sorta wanna cry – but that would take too much effort. Well, how about a long hot bath! Pour yourself a bath, add 1 cup of Epsom salts and 1/2 cup of baking soda. Soak for 20 minutes, and do not get the water on your face (it will dry it out). This combination will relieve all that join tension your body has built up while you’ve been working. It does wonders!

6. Acne. This I picked up in college. I had this HUGE mother of god fucking zit on my face. My friend took one look at me, and brought me to the pharmacy to buy some Neosporin. Within two days, it was gone and I had been suffering with this on my face for a week and half. The point is treat the acne like they are wounds. Put a triple antibiotic ointment on them at night, and you’ll see them lessen as soon as you wake up in the morning.

7. Evil Gum. Gum is totally evil. If you’ve ever gotten some in your hair or on your rug… especially. Here’s a trick for getting it out without have to pull out the scissors: butter. Butter breaks down the chemical composition of the gum and you can work it right out of whatever it’s stuck too. You can even use Peanut Butter in a pinch, but it might stain some carpets depending on color.

8. Newspaper. I learned this in my anthropology class, which is perfect for the Zombie Apocalypse.  If you ever get a huge gaping wound, and have nothing CLEAN or STERILE to cover it with… use newspaper. Newspaper is amazingly sterile because no one touches the ink. The ink, itself, is made of vegetable oil and completely harmless. Overall it’s a win-win if you’re trying to keep a wound clean until you get to the hospital.

9. Shew Fly! Sometimes in the summer our kitchen can develop gnats. We have a full garden on our property and believe in composting. So, mix the two and get some pests. A trick we picked up was leaving a little jar half full of apple cider. They love apple cider. Then putting some tin foil over it. You poke holes into the tin foil and before you know it – the gnats go in and don’t  get out. They end up drowning in their gluttony. There is something metaphorical in that and if I were a smarter person I would be able to make the analogy.

10. Alternative Sugar. This is something I completely LIVE by.. Agave. Agave is a plant that tequila is made from, but it is also naturally very sweet. Unlike sugar, honey and other natural (and unnatural) sweeteners – it doesn’t have to be processed by your pancreas. This is a good thing for diabetics. You can supplement agave in recipes, your coffee or tea, and even put it on your cereal. It is a much better choice for your body and a lot less work!

Yeah. so there you have it. Ten items I have done in my life and have worked effectively. It’s kooky to think of what some people pick up in their lives, but it is also awesome to share with others. If you have more tips, let me know! I’m always open ears.

credits……….
skin: MAR Creativity Studio. Milk Skin Jill 01 (Jack or Jill Hunt)
eyes: Epic. Liquorice. (Jack or Jill Hunt)
hair: TuTy’s. Extremist. Volumn Hairstyle. Smokey Black
top: LouLou & Co. Sweat. Johnny (Jack or Jill Hunt)
pants: Sakide. Linen Harem Pants. Black
shoes: Baby Monkey. Ultimate Roxie. Black
jewelry: Uzuri. Chura Bracelet, Furaha Bangle, Kipepeo Necklace, and Sunflower Ring
location: http://slurl.com/secondlife/NeverlandX/137/47/21

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Peppermint Death

I was looking after this elderly couple this week and to be frank, they have a mice problem. A serious problem. The very kind woman was told that if you buy peppermint extract, the mice will leave your pantry alone. THIS IS A LIE. The mice were like, “OH! it smells nice in here. Lets try to break into that cardboard box of cereal.NOM NOM NOM.

PeppermintDeath

I, on the other hand, was not feeling as kind towards the mice. Operation: Exterminate Mickey is now in progress. I am a firm believer in the SNAP traps. They kill them quickly, as opposed to the glue traps which rip of their legs from their body. Then you have little bloody stumps running around dying a slow death.

You see, the part that is critical in this operation is that the husband has cancer. He completed his chemo treatment about 3 weeks ago and now is in recovery getting transfusions every few weeks to keep his white blood cell count up. SO! With that in mind… I am on a mission to kill the mice. No little furry creature is going to potentially poison my client under my watch. They are carriers of disease, parasites, and everything that a cancer-recovery body can NOT handle.

So yeah. Peppermint Death doesn’t work for mice, but it would make a cool band name.

Credits…………
skin. The Skinnery. Anais – End of the World (Black Tea)
hair. VAUGHAN’S – Lice Free – black
eyes. Mooney. Glassy: Blue
makeup1. mock. Opal Lipcolor – Puce
makeup2. mock. Back to Basics – Paarl
top. mon tissu. Slouchy Sweatshirt – striped
bottom. helm. Work Pants – grey
hat. Celoe. Mademoiselle Hat
earrings. Collisions. Mystique Earrings
bag. JD. Hearty Clutch Bag Carbon

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I am not a well-behaved woman.

So I have this real life drama unfolding. I am working for this organization that has a real asshole employed. He is this morbidly obese over-bearing bully who has totally tried to usurp every ounce of dignity I have publicly. He will make these passive-aggressive comments during meetings under his breath, so I have to stop the meeting ask him what he said. Then he will patronize me by saying “go on, go on…” and roll his eyes. He has outright waggled his finger directly at me like I am his 10 year old daughter. He has scolded me on what I SHOULD be doing with my time and how unprofessional I am conducting myself. When I have brought friends in to meet for lunch, he has literally stared down their tits like they were the latest Victoria Secret commercial on TV.

Overall, he’s a complete douche bag.

Now, that part I can get over. Honestly, I can. I realize he is probably a little mentally ill. My guess is he’s bipolar because one moment he can be kind and the next – attack. It is very reminiscent of my childhood with my mom. Also, I can choose to quit this job. It’s extra income, and I am finding new work in other avenues. So ultimately, this can be resolved quite quickly.

The part that sucks is the amount of arm chair psychology people have laid on MY BEHAVIOR. I am a woman, nearly 40 years old. I am of average body size, quick-witted, and was bullied a good portion of her childhood. (You see, I am the daughter of the principal of the Middle School I attended. Yes. Yes. It’s a certain ring of hell that I have lived through. I have been pushed against lockers, threatened, hid in fear in bathroom stalls, and basically have a well-developed eye for spotting bullies.)

So, when the douche bag starts playing his games in meetings – I am provoked. It is my instinct to defend myself. I will not, as an adult, put up with shit from his fat smelly asshole who gets his rocks off being a defiant prick. So, I talk back. I sass back. I am NOT well-behaved.

This upsets many people. Apparently, my social cue is NOT to defend myself – but to TAKE it. You know? Take it right up the ass. Bend over like a good little bitch and take it. Fuck that fucking shit.

I will NOT fucking stand by while some dickhead tries to embarrass me in front of my fucking peers. I will also NOT be spoken to like am a 10 year old girl. I will also NOT apologize for my behavior. It is my CHOICE to stand up to him.

So when my male coworkers are writing emails TELLING me that I am “taking it more personally than you should have” – my reaction is: I am not your well-behaved woman. Fuck off.

Credits
skin. Heartsick Skins. Misaki. Eternity – Florals
tattoo. Juicy Box. James Dean Affair
hair. VAUGHAN’S. Shaved Head – black
eyes. Umedama Holic. Black Pearl
outfit. Envious. Its Love Hate
shoes. Ducknipple. Pret-sel – Grunge
cuffs. Spork. S’Cuffs
necklace. KOSH. Shane Necklace
piercing. ellabella. Ivory

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My Mother’s Day is like Your Valentine’s Day

Yep. It sucks that bad.

Mother’s Day just isn’t easy for me. Being the child of a severely mentally ill mother has brought new meaning to the holiday. You become torn between so many emotions, that it is a constant battle for sanity inside your head. Not everyone has a dream childhood and certainly not everyone had an inspirational mother.

You know what I loath especially? All those fucking commercials from Hallmark about “tell me how great of a mother I am to you” bullshit. Each time they air, they are a slug in the gut and a reminder of how fucking “not normal” you are compared to everyone else.

Well, how do we get through the day? Those who don’t have those storybook memories.. Here are my recommendations:

  1. Napping. Napping is essential. A well rested mind is an adept mind at all the emotional terrorism around you.
  2. Food. Eating healthy on the big day is another step in the right direction. A protein, carb and fat will do you just right. They will make your body feel happy and not drained of anything it needs. Binge eating on OREOs is the last thing you body wants, make it happy with some chicken, rice and a salad.
  3. Sunshine. I realize this is sorta dependent on the atmosphere, but see what you can do. 15+ minutes of un-sunscreened sunshine is good for the body and Vitamin D.
  4. Music. Now is not the time to get our your Aimee Mann collection. How about you bring out the Big Chill soundtrack or some bad ass Marvin Gaye? Motown is wonderful for getting you light in your feet and a small spring your step.
  5. Film/TV. DO NOT GO NEAR LIFETIME CHANNEL FOR WOMEN. Fuck that shit. Move along, these aren’t the droids you’re looking for. Let’s whip out some sci-fi! How about the Fifth Element? That’s a fantastic movie! Or maybe some Bladerunner, mixed with Aliens. It’s about detaching from the stressors. Letting them go and getting through the day.

Welp. That’s what I got. I realize a lot of peeps might go for the booze and weed, but as you get older those antics become tiresome. Let’s just go for some healthy coping skills on this tough day. If you ever wanna talk about it inworld, I’m here. Just look me up. I got your back.

Love you.

credits
skin: PULSE SKIN. Mystere Skin – Tone 2, No. 27 Enhanced
eyes: Poetic Colors. Autumn crocus
bra: Blacklace. French. Red & Black Satin Bra
jacket: E-Clipse. GlamPunK, Condola Jacket brown
pants: LIZ. i’Origine Red
shoes: A-Bomb. Gidge Patent red
belt: Uzuri. Fundo Belt brown
smoke: Nightshade Designs. London Fog clove

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Just Kids..

Yesterday I finished a beautiful book by Patti Smith called “Just Kids”. The last 30 pages made me cry, a lot. It’s one of those torn feelings of knowing what’s coming, but yet you are still overwhelmed by it’s presence.

It’s an autobiography of her youth, mainly surround her marriage to Robert Mapplethorpe. It wasn’t actually a ‘marriage’ – but more an artist and his muse. Their bond was exceptional, and devoted until the end.

For those who do not know, Mapplethorpe was a photographer in the late 70’s and 1980’s. He was mostly known for his controversial S&M and gay photography. However, he also photographed flowers and portraits. He was irreverent, unconventional, and fixated on being true to an artist lifestyle.

Patti and Robert were very much in love and found the beauty within each other. They critiqued, promoted and supported each other’s need for art in their daily lives. I can’t help but recommend this book to anyone who is willing to listen to me.

For information on this book, go here
To learn more about Robert Mapplethorpe, click here.
And to find out about Patti Smith, this is the place.

credits…………..
skin. vive9. Grace V2. Sick 2
hair: EMO-tions. Windblown IV, black
eyes: UH. Gem Stone Eyes. black pearl
mustache. Mustache. (closed)
top: NINIKO. Pullover Shirt, snow
bottom: Le Poppycock. Le Tutu
shoes: Shiny Things. Criss Cross Ballet Flats, Black
jewelry: Pididdle. Vengeance Cuff, gold
tattoo: Plastik. Feathers, faded

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